Grandeur in Cages.

Harrowing stability, the feel of languid innocence. support the burning beams and hope for the sirens to sing. hold up those hands-- wishing for something more. learn the unbelievable. surrogate from the start, we all become proxies mind and body till the end. a moment too soon, we realize it all but too late. the microcosms of cavernous conclaves of delinquency and folly. soon to be nothing- we praise what light cannot give us. the need and desperation caused by gaping aristocracy-- we laugh in the midst of it all. hoping our next steps aren't our lasts. abstraction and the theory of its religion. short circuit the unbelievable. this habitual facade. save us nothing. harrowing truth. out of sight, out of mind' best describes negligence. how then would you wish such a fate on anyone. fate cannot be so cruel as to create for you something and have chance take it away. subdued we receive what is finally given. spit back the lie, and tell her you love her. sordid in deed, still we dance the good dance. escape to your prison and hope you've hid your heart. stagnant in your prayers you shiver from your words. let it roll from your tongue that fevored testament of love, lust, lost and detatch. in the midst of grandeur we become. hard shells and sheered sheep we continue our arduous condemnation. harking the great divine in worthy soliloquy, you kneel. and face your hunter.

Interlude.

I dont know

if I'm being strong

or weak....

but I tear up

in the thought of death.

Though not out of fear,

but of understanding.

See You At The End of The Tunnel.

Living from moment to moment

will leave you starving in between

becomming like a living husk of a thing.

I don't know how anyone can do it,

this partial existence

watching everyone else live

their mediocre lives.

While you, you live more than
any will in their entire lives.

only living in intervals.

Not knowing to envy or pity them.

them and their mediocre lives.

Never knowing neither extremes.

I think I finally know what your talking about...

And I don’t know whether I should be happy or sad that I do,

but one thing for sure, I've never lived more in my life.

Sanguin Aberration.

The decision of Languid fervor has long past, as sentiments soon dissipate in wintry mists. A colloquial affair with much ostentation and pedantry. I no longer hold that veil of splendor, of that a tortuous panorama. Of such a beloved spectacle I would care not soon forget.But all together cannot resist the inevitable.

I'll See You Soon.

Coming fresh from the sun,

but all I can think of are those city lights

and that early morning cruise.

I'm back where we started

and it feels the same as we left it.

Riding along racing that morning sun,

not looking back hoping these feelings will stay intact.

We'll ride never to regret what we've begun.

We'll ride this wave baby, and we'll ride it well,

just don't look back just dont dwell.

We'll put up a fight

and everything will turn right.

Just you see, just wait and it will be.

Just look at my eyes and they'll tell you good,

we'll go at it nice and smooth,

feeling that right mood.

Riding along racing that morning sun,

not looking back, hoping these feelings will remain intact.

We'll ride baby, we'll ride.

We'll ride this wave good,

going at it nice and smooth.

You'll see we'll do it good.

Let's break that cycle

we'll start over all brand new.

We'll shed that skin in that midnight view.

Just don't look back I'm right here,

we'll push things to gear

racing that morning sun.

Camouflage.

When is it acceptable and when is it not?
we drive ourselves crazy with thoughts of the future

and miserable thinking of the past.

-- But why does it seem that letting everything go

wont solve anything?

I blame the nail polish.

so shiny and colorful --and misleading

as like everything else.

To think of it, everyone are like cuttlefishes

you see what they want you to see

In the midst of near darkness

that luminescent skin

and exploding fireworks

a beacon emerges

scrambling to grab and grasp

we fight among ourselves
thinking we know better.

until it disappears

into nothingness.

leaving us wondering

if it were real or a dream.

Quiver.

Then I,
like that of mist receding,
withdraws to the forest leaving
nothing but drops of dew and silence,
awaiting sunrise.

8 is just an open 3.

Its five in the morning and im awake.
this should be a crime.

taking naps too late into the day should be a crime.

color pencils are okay as long as you want to be boring.

I have more patience with other people more than i do for myself.

AND i really dont like people.

I think if i could just

shut people out and their bullshit for good

I would.

I'd just keep three people around me all the time.maybe four.

That's my goal.

to find 2 people as worthy to be a friend.

2 siblings i could trust the most.

And 2 loves.

one Lover

one Soul

All in all I would make up the third.

I would be the 3rd one.

The number three is solid.

the scales. judgment.

The Resolution to the

eternal struggle of duality in our universe.

A triangle.

the most solid shapemost efficient

bridges are made in threes.

Too bad it never works.

People just dont know loyalty these days.

Insure.

I'm happy that you didn't stay long enough for goodbyes to hurt.

Waiting.

.... Thinks that the rain does the strangest things to people.

i see.

Do you remember that little rhyme we all used to sing when we were young? Yeah, the one where we'd all sing in unison when we put our little desks in a circle, the tape cassette playing in the background. Do you see what i see? do you see what I see?.... I dont remember the name. But the tune stuck with me. along with the words. Do you see what I see? Some how when we get older it takes a whole new meaning. forming more exigence as we ourselves grow. the desire to be understood.i. singular.i see.to be so involved in understanding. its like were reach our hands out for everything grasping. desperately grasping. hoping will get something out of it. hoping that a string of words'll mean something so much more than it really does. to understand. and to be understood. why does it mean so much to us... no. I dont think were meant to see eye to eye. maybe in a shallow sense yeah. but no two eyes are ever exactly the same. in shape, distance, color. or perspective.It has a sweet childlike quality to it doesn't it?

will you ever be able to see what I see?

Coffee Cup.

I love that fact that people can just do or say or write notes or journals or blogs and not be held responsible for it. its like. in everyones own domain. they can say what ever the hell they want letting friends and strangers alike read these things.. even if they are questionable or totally disagreeable. but life just goes back to the way they were. like icing. nothing happened. there's no crack on the cake. shhhh...

People who read it and totally agree and leave a little comment or two admiring the cleverness and such of the piece.. while others really dont like it, leaves a lengthy anecdote or whatnots listing the reasons why they themselves personally dont agree.'you have good points of view, but i dont quite agree... heres why: blah blah blah, blah blaaaaah. see? Im right and your wrong.'

And yet there are others who isn't quite the extreme, but also who arn't so inclined with the subject and dismisses it thinking its a joke. some huge sham. these are the people who im quite interested in. The in betweens. like they have an opinion. everyone always does. its human nature. but they refuse to address it. the people who usually answer with a prolonged 'ehhhhhh' I think its funny that people tend to dismiss things they dont quite like. not so much you mind you that they form arguments to defend whateverside but just enough not to believe. Or just enough to convince themselves it doesn't exists or have no real impact in their life... putting it in a deep shelf of their consciousness.

Im a firm believer that everything from watching the news, walking down the street, talking to strangers, feeling the rain or the sun to reading random blogs influences who we are as people. They have this filter you see. like the ones you find used to make a nicely brewed coffee...Its funny because they dont know it exists. especially the fact that its part of their every waking moment. it's funny because they dont understand it so they make another little shelf in their consciousness and hide it away. I think human filters are the most interesting and funniest things.

The Rain Told Me Certain Things I Thought I'd Never Hear.

There is so much things in life that i have yet to know. It seems like I never have enough time. I want to know people. you know? I want to know who they really are, where they come from, what are they most passionate about in life... to see the true quality of their hearts.

is that too impossible?

Like an xray vision in a matchbox world. I dont know what that means. Some people think im all play and no work. Like one of thouse kids that go to collage just to fuck around and go to parties to get drunk and get high. I think its funny. Well, and a bit insulting. But thats just me.

I'd like to live in an island.

As in the wilderness. and camp my days away. have random pet animals. Like monkeys. and jellyfishes. and be totally secluded from everything else. Just to get to know myself, and what i stand for.

Love is confusing. And sometimes hard to believe it really exists.

I know Im a passionate person. and I love myself for it.

I dont think there is anything about myself I regret. At this moment, in this point of time in my life. There might have been some really shitty things that happened to me in the past... But I dont think Im so bitter towards it as I used to be. Its... self love. I suppose. Everything that happened to me all the little things... all the experiences.. all the people... all the places.. all the little conversations... has made who I am today.

And frankly, There's no one in the world I rather be.

When things are coming to an end, we tend to panic. basic human reflex, i suppose. Its hard to embrace whats to come especially when its uncertain.

We live in a world of uncertainty. isn't that right?

I think people tend to live miserably because they try so hard to go against the flow of what is suppose to become us... of whats to come in the end of each chapter. They refuse to embrace uncertainty and chance, luck, destiny, random, serendipity... all the things that cant really be explained.

Security is a Myth.

no one is ever satisfied. It's hard to believe we all use to have nothing.
and when the little things used to be enough.

I think were all so wrapped up in what we would like to have in the future, that sometimes we forget to live.

Is it so different? To live and being alive? I think it is. Everyone would like to think they've lived their life.

I want to believe is something. I want to be able to believe in something so much that Im willing to give things up for it.

I want to go out with a bang. there was never any question you know. how we feel.

We'd all like to go through life thinking we've found the right one, met the right friends, loved the right people.

so much depend on perspective.

Can happiness be relative? Is everything relative? I say yeah. hell yeah.

Theres so many of us its hard to know where we belong. are niches already pre-made? or they appear as people realize that they're to become?

and what if theres not enough for all of us?

I want to able to think that everything was worth it.

Foot Soldier

I've lost interest. Is that such a bad thing? No. never in life. Is it because i love too much and too hard.. what ever happened to my resolve... funny ain't it? just when you thought you knew a person... but, how exactly do you know a person? is it when you can list what they like or don't like? their beliefs?? their history? what is it that is important to you...

get over it.

Buddhism is for quitters. did ya know? ...to relinquish all material bonds... abandon all dishonest livelihood... abandon all the wrong and harmful thoughts, words, and deeds

to escape suffering... is it really possible? would you take a world with no suffering but of detachment? You i think that its part of life.. to suffer, to feel pain.. i think that that's how you know your alive....

because to love and ultimately in everlasting rapture is to dream... a dream like state so bitter sweet for the knowledge that it cannot and will not last. So born from nothing albeit the moon. silver lining had no cause but of one and of one there came a goddess. She walked the earth and created marble halls and a throne of gold sewn with her enemy's blood and there she conquered the world. she died of a broken heart, for from the many she slayed one was her other half.

gods can only die from a broken heart so i've heard. imagine a world in which old age and infirmity is no threat and forever we lived in eden but death will come swift in the form of a broken heart. would we all die? i wonder how different everything will be. ...

can one suffer from a broken heart if it was not truely love?